different ways

google has no sarah-fu

2009-06-21T23:18:05Z

sad.

narcotixx @ 2009-06-20T22:40:00

2009-06-21T03:41:52Z

i think i'm switching to wordpress.

http://sarahlevine.wordpress.com

i'll still hang around lj because there's no better place to get the digs on celebs than ONTD but for the most part this will remain only as a rant/personal venting space. what it's always been.

narcotixx @ 2009-06-19T11:44:00

2009-06-19T16:49:15Z

i'm upset right now because i've seen something that i don't want to see (nevermind that while i tell myself i just "stumbled" upon it i actually did quite a bit of searching) but the truth is i've needed something to get me upset because nothing's got me excited or nervous or mad lately and i can't remember the last tinge of jealousy i felt. talk about a powerful emotion. gets me going. i think jealousy's the reason i always get skinny after break ups- it literally eats up all the energy i have. so now, now now now, i think i'm going to work out and let that things burn up.

boyfriend is going to have a crappy day. he's got no idea what he's in for :)

:)

narcotixx @ 2009-06-18T20:25:00

2009-06-19T01:29:15Z

is there a better album cover than sea change?

2009-03-28T19:26:50Z

i saw reality bites for the first time last night. it's fitting at this point though it's only depressing knowing that winona ryder's reality bit a lot less than my post-grad life will. also, the gap looks exactly the same now as it did in 94.

i also had to run to walmart and it was the most enjoyable part of my day (week even). there was, what seemed to be, a very new couple there who just couldn't get enough of each other. i can't explain it, but the conversation between the two just screamed 2nd/maybe 3rd date (they might very well call it "hanging out"). she was loud and affable and the littlest things made her giddy and he let her, happily, drag him through the cheap make up section so he could ask her silly questions like "what is all of this stuff for?!". if only everything felt like a new crush. is anything more exciting?

there was also the large family making their weekly shopping trip i presume (12:00 am). each child (3) carried a different bag of chips. their cart also held gatorade and a large quantity of manchurian ramen. as easter is approaching, the store has displays of candy/bunnies/eggs. etc all over the place. the most peculiar site was of a woman, mid 20s, by herself, who decided to engage one of those toy rabbits that sing. she then proceeded to press the magic button on every single rabbit in the large display on a side wall of the store. the clamoring filled that entire half of the store and as i walked by for a closer look, she was almost yelling in delight.

narcotixx @ 2009-02-17T13:27:00

2009-02-17T18:35:45Z

i'm at school. i have to be here until 5:15. sucks.

applying to the MA program here @ gsu. the decision has a lot to do with my lack of direction and lack of funds to really think about going anywhere else but i like the faculty here and i think i'll get in. i'm just tired of the same old buildings (which include once-parking decks "renovated" into classroom buildings and concrete-blocked walls) and same old faces and the application process is driving me insane. i have my three letters of recommendation squared away with the caveat that i've got to re-familiarize the professors with my work, but i still need to write my admissions essay and get crackin on studying for and subsequently taking the GRE (which i'm so flipped out about that i haven't given it much thought yet- aren't you supposed to dedicate study to that thing? yeah, whoops.)

oh, and all of those has to be taken care of by march 15. i need a refresher test taking course, or at least get some sort of book to help and i really need to stop turning my admissions essay into an exegesis of "the sound of music" which, nevertheless, i'm discovering may lead me in the direction to contemplate the corpus of rodgers and hammersteins film adaptations and what they have come to mean to us.

and right now i'm supposed to be writing a 500 word summary on some chapter in some book about the historical origins of islam. 500 words? on the beginnings of islam? do people not devote whole books to this provocation and still leave out much information? it's ridiculous but it seems all required things are...

narcotixx @ 2008-12-23T16:59:00

2008-12-23T22:00:38Z

what better way to tell someone that their tastes suck and that you're cheap than by giving them a mixed cd for the holidays?!

narcotixx @ 2008-10-03T14:56:00

2008-10-03T19:01:27Z

holy shit things are weird and out of whack. or maybe
everything's in whack (cus that's the way it is).
still, isn't that me there? maybe we are all just the same. rungs on a ladder may lead up, but they look identical.

narcotixx @ 2008-09-20T21:51:00

2008-09-21T01:55:58Z

can i conceive of anything creative?

narcotixx @ 2008-09-20T21:48:00

2008-09-21T01:48:35Z

http://sarahyael.com/

seriously? HOW MANY OF US ARE THERE? i liked feeling like my middle name gave me something special.

narcotixx @ 2008-09-13T20:44:00

2008-09-14T00:46:23Z

i should always trust my intuition. if i think something is going to suck i need to accept its suckingship instead of hoping for the best. because being relegated to entertaining cats whilst another 7 HUMANS are around enjoying the company of each other is sort of degrading. i love kitties but shit.

narcotixx @ 2008-09-12T00:31:00

2008-09-12T04:43:31Z

it's easy to get sentimental about other people's lives. nothing is tinged with something ugly, everything is adorable and cuddly. everything is a fairytale or a gorgeous tragedy! if i could just see my life that way. but everything's so muddled.

i complain so much. on that note, oh my god, i cannot handle sarah palin. besides the fact that she's totally unqualified, hasn't done her research, and is the absolute worst representation of the modern woman, her voice is like screeching wale. if i hear her say again "i told congress thanks but no thanks to that bridge to nowhere" i WILL lose it.

ummmm, aside from doing porn i gotta think of a way to have men fantasize about me on a regular basis. this is for my own ego's well being. but clearly the fact that i can think of no way to make that happen other than some sort of nudity/vibrator up my ass vids shows how uncreative and unsexy i am.

ok. who's got a video camera

no one's out there!!

i want to smoke a j and go to bed

narcotixx @ 2008-08-25T22:01:00

2008-08-26T02:01:31Z

it's almost like i don't exist!

narcotixx @ 2008-08-11T18:25:00

2008-08-11T22:24:30Z

in all srsnss,
WHAT IS IT GOING TO TAKE?
r-e-s-p-e-c-t PLZ.

narcotixx @ 2008-07-18T18:02:00

2008-07-18T22:02:50Z

i don't know how the batman team is going to explain off joker's sudden death in the next film but hey, at least ledger's last movie let him go out with a bang.

i signed up for netflix but 13.99/month still seems expensive and I'm still not sure when my free trial runs out . guess i'll find out when they start withdrawing money from my account! also, i'm fairly sure georgia power screwed up my power bill because it's ~$200 for a 500 sq foot apartment where i rarely leave the AC on and always turn off the lights. i know they're going to be assholes about it too.

narcotixx @ 2008-07-14T13:57:00

2008-07-14T17:53:50Z

i'm really irritable and i'm wondering if there's an underlying reason for this.

i need to pick up some flowers for my room.

touch muh body. come on mariah, i dare you.

narcotixx @ 2008-07-10T22:21:00

2008-07-11T02:17:50Z

one way or another or in one context or another, everyone's getting shafted.
yes.

my mind should big bang

2008-07-07T04:05:33Z

i was going to say here that everything i do, say, and feel is always rational and completely justified. like saying so would make it true. but who cares, it's true for me.

-------
that was autosaved from the last time i started to post and then said fuck it. i thought it was a sign that it was kept so i kept it.

i often think i've changed a lot in the past few years. now, i tell myself, i'm more confident, i'm a strong woman-person, i'm content with myself, i've taken in the sights and allowed myself to love them. the world isn't at my fingertips; it sits on them and drips from them. i am mostly satisfied but the chase continues, as it should, or everything compounds and there's nothing to want.

maybe then, this jolt of insecurity and feeling of extreme inadequacy and uselessness and irrelevance is purposeful. i can't even tell anymore: is this the world sitting or dripping? is everything so thick and unable to move itself or is it slipping away? everything traversed and smoothed into and over itself and now there's a disconnect and a rigidity. i feel it everywhere.

narcotixx @ 2008-07-02T21:12:00

2008-07-03T01:08:23Z

http://www.onesentence.org/

narcotixx @ 2008-06-23T00:09:00

2008-06-23T04:05:49Z

i'm discontent and i'm insecure. blahity blah goobily goo.

narcotixx @ 2008-06-19T00:15:00

2008-06-19T04:24:38Z

if only i had a plot, i'd write a novel. only one. kind of like a harper lee sort of deal, but maybe with a couple short stories published long after the book. i would likely have to publish the book on my own after being rejected over and over and it would phase me but i'd do it anyway. there's all these fantastic and painfully true words and feelings and situations i have stored as ideas or memories but they're nothing without the connective tissue, which hasn't grown and likely won't. i'm almost satisfied with what i have though because it's all mine. i've read and been told that writing is control and i've occasionally experienced that feeling but more often than not for me, it's losing control. looking down and seeing yourself on a page and trying to understand the paradigm of THAT being YOU, but not you at all, because it's there and not (here).

narcotixx @ 2008-06-14T17:01:00

2008-06-14T20:58:47Z

i'm trivializing important things to make them easier to manage.

but i'm about to have a fit about the most trivial of matters. UGH.

narcotixx @ 2008-06-11T00:53:00

2008-06-11T05:00:35Z

i had a really good day today.

narcotixx @ 2008-06-05T11:44:00

2008-06-05T15:48:01Z

i've been meaning to complain

someone find me a ticket for all tomorrow's parties. it would have been really cool to plan a trip to the UK (and weekend 2's lineup is pretty amazing) but i'll take new york.

please.

narcotixx @ 2008-06-03T11:34:00

2008-06-03T16:00:18Z

i get a little bit annoyed with bravo because all they do is churn out reality show:
project runway
top chef (which was my favorite)
my life on the d list (second favorite and i'm not a gay man!)
real housewives of orange county/nyc
shear genius
work out
step it up and dance

and those are only the ones i can get off the top of my head. but the thing is, they're all really well done. shit, i watch work out sometimes and i have ZERO interest in the plot/content. i don't know what bravo does, but it's like a fucking methadone clinic.

that being said, i cannot wait for june 17

flipping out is the best one yet. it's really riding the line between completely candid and totally scripted and its bizarre cast of characters are so hard to believe that you just have to believe. this season looks particularly exciting as the reins are yanked from jeff hands and he must cooperate with others to make money.

i like everyone on the show. you know, you watch these shows and think "god i hate so and so" but not for this! everyone's great. i like the "minimal" cast members most:

zoila the housekeeper with a smart mouth. she wears an actual maid's outfit (costume) which makes me think this show is at least 50% fake.

monkey the cat who followed in his daddy's flipping out footsteps when jeff's 2nd assistant took him to the vet last season.

i'm pretty excited. not as much as when new seasons of dawson's creek premiered but you know, i was 13 or whatever. everything involving james van der beek was exciting.